The Women of Camelot
by Christina-Potter-09
Summary: We women, when we're searching for a meaning to our lives or for the path of knowledge, always identify with one of four classic archetypes. Nimueh The Virgin, Igraine the Martyr, Guinevere the Saint, Morgana the Witch. ARMOR please R&R.


This is a shot inspired by Paolo Coelho's work in the book Brida, it's Armor-ish at the end so you had been warned

Enjoy...

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We women, when we're searching for a meaning to our lives or for the path of knowledge, always identify with one of four classic archetypes. The Virgin, the Martyr, the Saint, the Witch.

-from Brida by Paolo Coelho

The **Virgin **is the one whose search springs from her complete independence, and everything she learns is the fruit of her ability to face challenges alone.

_Nimueh _

_It was all because of Uther's son, Arthur_

I had it all, and I was most joyous, in a kingdom that both the Old and the New Religion co-existed, in a kingdom of a King who took care of us all, and a queen who was the most beloved. In a kingdom of no heir.

Myself and Gaius had done our best, but the Queen wasn't conceiving and the years were passing by dangerously, a kingdom of no heir was a kingdom doomed to fail, no matter how fair and bride it was for the time being, the future was fogged, dark and twisted.

Uther grew desperate, even if the whispers of an illegitimate daughter were heard within the court, none dared to dig dipper in it and soon it was hushed, even if Lady Gorlois was sent away with her daughter, Morgause her pregnancy evident, while her lord was fighting in Uther's name with the Saxons.

Gaius was sent by Uther to me, to approach me on doing what the King wanted, I had refused to accept at first but then, it was Uther himself who approached me, I knew what he wanted, his haunted eyes told me all the horror he was about to order me to commit. He wasn't oblivious of the laws of Magic, one life is taken for one to be created, he very well knew that, yet, he had refused to accept my warning and ordered me to enchant his wife to become with child.

And I did, it was a straight order, it was what he wanted and what I, for a short time, believed was the best for the future of Camelot.

Gaius knew of the final decisions later on, when the Queen was announcing her pregnancy to the kingdom. And soon after news of Lady of Gorlois having died mysteriously along her older child, Morgause were spread around the kingdom, only the young Morgana was saved, Gorlois who mourned for his great loss never made it to learn how he lost his beloved ones. Little did he know his older daughter was alive and sent by Gaius to the high priestess of our religion to the North or that he would die soon after, for the young Morgana to take the position of the king's ward, justifying our old suspicions of her true identity…

The night of Arthur's birth was the worst of my life. The Queen's screams were echoed inside the palace, silencing every other sound, there was wild anticipation from the King and the plain people, and there was wild concern and fear of the ones of my kind, who knew what was to come.

The exhausted queen held her child for a few short minutes, the crying boy was healthy, strong and beautiful, and the Queen was joyous for those few minutes as she kissed her baby. She then gave her child to one of the maids, and as her powers quickly abandoned her as magic was taking the price for what it had given, Igraine turned and looked at me with the most sincere and accusing eyes a human being had ever looked at. She knew, she had realized, and she was forgiving me because she knew it hadn't been in my power to do otherwise, she only smiled at me and gestured to her son, and I only nodded, promising silently to keep a magical eye on him for her, to be something like a mother to him as he was doomed never to meet his.

I didn't know I would soon fail that promise to the poor martyr who fell first on the altar Uther had set for the women of Camelot.

He accused me, he banished me and screamed at me that I was the source of evil of the land, when I was the one who helped him get what he wanted. He pushed the blame on me, my sex and my kind, he accused women and men of magic, and the Great Purge started, yet, he kept by his side hypocrites like Gaius who rushed to disclaim religion and nature and remained by the King's side for the rest of Uther's years.

And I was forced to flee the land, while my kind was being depleted by the king, and I carried the blame of the whole doom, before I could with my turn, blame it to Arthur, that little boy that I had previously vowed to protect. The boy that was his mother's reason to die, but only because Uther had decided for things to be like that.

My fear and pain turned into furry and thirst of revenge, the remaining of my kind hid around Camelot, others too afraid to see the sun again and others too ready to fight Camelot in a war that was to last twenty long years, until another woman of my kind, the one closest to Uther ever since Igraine's death was to rise in power and take down the prince and the kingdom I once so much loved and later on so much hated.

The **Martyr **finds her way to self-knowledge through pain, suffering, and surrender.

_Igraine _

_It was all for my beloved son, Arthur_

I was a woman of honor, great beauty and kind heart, my friends and family were the most important thing to me, along with my people, both magical and plain.

I became Queen and I loved my husband, like he did with me, but the time was passing by and I wasn't conceiving, and that was to bring my later downfall.

Vivienne Le Fay was a good friend of mine, before her marriage, she had been one of my ladies-in-waiting, a great friend, a beautiful woman of fair skin, sparkling eyes and long raven hair. We had remained friends and I many times comforted her when Gorlois was away, so many times, to stand our King's ground against the Saxons.

But sometimes, when I was reaching my darkest times, I loathed her, because her womb had given fruit already once, Morgause was a beautiful, healthy child, a child that proved both her parents' ability to have children, when I was doubting myself and my own womb.

I knew Uther was able to have children, I wasn't sure why, I just did, I knew it and I also knew he would sooner or later use his powers to have a son, no matter how, no matter the cost.

He thought I didn't know of his affair, he thought I didn't know him or Vivienne enough to see the signs, but I did, oh I did and my heart broke for their betrayal, but I also blamed myself, because I knew, it was me, I was the one at fault here, I was the barren.

And I soon saw the change in my friend, her morning sickness, while her husband had been away for weeks, and the snakes of fear wrapped around my heart, ready to bite deep in.

Vivienne was sent away with her child and her growing belly, and months later we received news of hers having given birth at her seven months of pregnancy. I knew it was a lie as to make Gorlois, myself and the rest to believe her. I knew that somewhere away from the palace, in the house of Gorlois, the Pendragon firstborn was being raised, little did I know that firstborn would one day become Queen of Camelot and my son's nemesis. Little did I know that firstborn would be the one to lead my son to immortality when everyone else would have abandon him.

I pretended I didn't hear Nimueh entering my chambers one night, casting a spell upon my seemingly sleeping form that made my uterus burn as if someone had blew life in it.

And weeks after, I was having morning sickness, and the healers told me I was expecting, I decided to be joyous, because I had only a few months left and I was to enjoy my child only unborn as I would not probably have the time to see him alive.

My beautiful boy was born after hours of anguish, after hours of knowing my end was upon me. I geld him in my hands for a few moments, or was it minutes, or seconds, I never figured. I just held him and lost every reason to resent Uther as I looked at my son, our son, the beautiful blue that looked at me tearfully as he gave his first cry, the pale skin and the blond mop of hair, he was so beautiful, so innocent yet he was to feel at blame for my death for many years on. I gave him the first and last kiss of his mother and then handed him to a maid as I felt my powers abandoning, it was time.

I looked at Nimueh and we both knew, we were the victims of the circumstances, we were both doomed to make sacrifices, but I knew she had the power to protect my son, and she agreed with her eyes, and I could only wish that whatever Uther did to her, she wouldn't turn against my innocent boy…

The **Saint **finds her true reason for living in unconditional love and in her ability to give without asking anything in return.

_Guinevere _

_It was all thanks to my lord, Arthur _

"_Some people are just born to be queen." _

I should have kept my mind in the words I had spoken, because it was true, a true I decided later on to neglect before my passions and desires.

Saints are people who either led an admirable life of faith and love, or the ones who were first the sinful and then the ones to change their belief and find their way.

I was a bit of both.

I was a plain servant, a servant who loved her mistress, who was friend with her mistress ever since she arrived at the age of ten and my deceased mother first took care of her and later on I did, when my mother was gone.

Being the maidservant of the ward of the king was filling your head and heart with things you knew didn't suit you, royals are born, raised and educated to take responsibilities and decisions other people can't take, no matter the love and care you may have for certain things and people.

I had loved Morgana as the sister I never had, yet I neglected her because of my blinding for Arthur, the future king, the one who would be more just than Uther and more tolerant than anyone else.

I loved Arthur, I really did, I was ready to sacrifice everything for him, even Morgana, who was the one to be in trouble ever since she was a little child. The one with the prime birthright to the throne we all craved more or less.

I turned against my friend and I tried to persuade myself she had turned evil and mad, when I knew she was confused and misguided, yet I chose the easy path, the one Morgana always refused to follow when I and my safety were concerned. The one Arthur had taken by choosing me, because fighting his feelings for Morgana had damaged him after all the effort.

My heart however, was given elsewhere no matter how hard I tried to deny it. Lancelot was the one, and it took so much pain for me to realize it, and along the pain, it took Arthur and the kingdom.

I became queen, and only then I realized where I truly belong: off the throne. The pressure was enormous, a marriage of no significance made the rest of the kingdoms aggressive towards Camelot and the changed Morgana made matters worse with her fight against us through magic.

My enemies in the court became more and more with every passing month of mine carrying no child, only the evidence of blood that proved Camelot was yet to have an heir. And the responsibilities were heavy on my shoulders; soon I was failing to even give some solace in Arthur for his reign, a reign so difficult with no heir and many enemies.

Lancelot and I were pushed in each other's arms by the circumstances and the pain we shared within the gates of the palace, he was the one to give me a comforting embrace and kiss, the nights I cried myself to sleep because Arthur had refused to join me, too worried over new battles against his sister and enemies.

And as our relationship grew in the shadows, and I still carried no child, even my knight's bastard, I knew it was me, Arthur was having the same destiny with Uther and Queen Igraine, the barren mother and the barren daughter-in-law. Only now, there was no magic to make me conceive like it happened with Igraine, but even if there had been, I wouldn't have accepted to give my life, because I didn't belong on the throne like Igraine had. This wasn't my duty anymore.

The biggest pain came when Arthur learnt both of Merlin and his nature and me and Lancelot, after Morgana had exposed us all. Arthur lost faith in everyone, including me, Merlin and himself. And I knew the grave mistake I had made.

In shame, I ran away with Lancelot, I had given everything I could for Camelot, I had sacrificed years of unhappiness in my try to help but I had only ended up hurting the King and becoming the unfaithful queen, the servant who was never to rise and now proved everyone's fears. They had been right, my human nature had won my morals, I had betrayed the man I had believed I loved and now I was paying the price of guilt but not of regret, I loved Lancelot, the man who accepted me as I was, the man who didn't expect anything, the man who took time to see me, no matter his duties.

For some people, I will be remembered as the poor girl who got blinded by the beauty of royalty and did her best, by others, I will be remembered as the unworthy servant who betrayed the king for someone below. What matters to me was the guilt I carried in my heart, until the day I died, for Camelot, Morgana and Arthur. Because only when I fell, I realized what Morgana and eventually Arthur felt.

Finally, the **Witch **justifies her existence by going in search of complete and limitless pleasure.

_Morgana _

_It was all about my brother and love, Arthur_

I barely remembered my mother, fair skin, fair eyes, that's all I could remember, along the voice of a girl singing to me, a maid or someone of my blood? It would be proven years later.

I was summoned by my father to Camelot, my devastated father was about to leave for yet another war against Lot, I was only ten by then, he kissed me goodbye, promised to return and I had helped him with his armor, my tiny fingers making sure he wouldn't be exposed without the armor.

I had lost my mother years ago, and soon I was learning that I was an orphan of both parents. Uther was supposed to have helped my lord and father, yet he didn't, for reasons I didn't care to realize at my ten early years.

I became the ward, the guest, yet Uther and Arthur made their best to make me feel like home in Camelot. After the first two depressing years, I accepted them as a family and loved Arthur as the only one who made sure I was alright, just like I did every time something happened between him and Uther.

I was educated like a boy, learning how to write and read, how to ride a horse and how to fight with a sword, my years in Camelot weren't as miserable as I had expected. Yet they darkened when the nightmares started. When the visions showed me I was different, something I tried to decline for a long time.

And during those years I changed, I built walls around me, to protect myself and to protect Arthur, and I did a good job, most of the time, when I held my chin up and refused to accept that I was in love with the prince of Camelot.

When the burden became too heavy, I tried to reason with Arthur, I tried to explain my nature, but he always laughed me off when my nightmares were the subject of the argument, he never did that with my father's loss or our in common lack of mothers, then he always comforted me but when it was about my dreams and troubles of mysterious nature, he laughed me off and changed the subject.

I didn't care if he did that out of fear of my life if the secret was our or he just didn't want to know, all I know is that I was furious and on the verge of insanity with what was happening to me. If I had magic, I was doomed to die and Arthur only brushed things off and he thought it was the best solution.

We grew apart, little by little, our feelings slowly hid deep inside our hearts, as he tried to even avoid me while my powers grew and we were soon two strangers in the same place, we, who used to be two halves of the same whole.

The fear for my life turned into anger and the anger turned into furry and hatred and soon, I was meeting Morgause, the woman who I felt oddly familiar with, as if I knew her, as if she had been by my crib, singing lullabies to me when I was a baby...

We soon formed our alliance, and I made all the effort to push away any kind of feelings for Arthur, he was already too absorbed by his servants, Gwen and Merlin and I was left alone to fight with demons I had no weapons to use against. So I stuck with Morgause, my sister, the one who truly loved me, the one who truly cared for me.

Since I had lost any kind of chance in happiness, I could reconcile with pleasure of wild forms.

I took pleasure in the year away from Camelot, the year my sister taught me who I truly was, the year I completely embraced the nature I had tried to deny for years. I took pleasure in using magic freely, away from Camelot, like an eagle takes pleasure in spreading its wings and flying in heavens.

I took pleasure in plotting against Uther, having the pleasure numbing all my pain and darkness.

The moment I learnt of my father being Uther and not Gorlois, it was all crystal clear to me. I had a birthright, I was the firstborn of my tyrant. I was to become queen, and this goal, when achieved, would give me the ultimate pleasure I believed, I would have conquered the ones who betrayed me in various ways, Arthur for his ignorance, included.

And I made it, with my proud sister by my side, bringing my true father on his knees and taking the crown off his head, I became the queen I was born to be, yet the pleasure wasn't enough, to my greatest furry.

I lost my sister soon after, just a few days after my triumph, and Arthur won that part, and from there on, a sick game of dominance started between us, I would strike and he would strike back and the pain brought sick pleasure in both. I used Mordred, he used his knights, and we inflicted pain on each other in a wilder version of the bickering we used to had as children. And the fact of Guinevere being with no child while the years passed brought even greater pleasure, knowing an unworthy woman to be queen is unworthy in all matters.

I felt his pain however, when I exposed Guinevere and Merlin, the two traitors, maybe even greater than me, the servants had fooled the king, had played tricks behind his back for years, and to my greatest sorrow, I felt his pain, because I knew how is to be betrayed by these two, I knew how is to feel alone in the world and now Arthur didn't have me like he used to do in the past or like I used to do with him or Morgause.

He was alone and he was ready to face me for one last time.

And we faced each other, I had Mordred by my side once again, and he had his knights. We could have killed each other with our own hands, but we couldn't do it. The feelings that once were hidden in our hearts had surfaced and no pleasure could numb them anymore, our prime feelings for each other were the true ones, feelings of love and care were now back and nothing and none could tame them anymore.

I could have let Mordred hit Arthur severely, he could have died within moments, and he could certainly not have the chance to kill my nephew as he fell. Mordred died, and I rushed close to my brother and love. I took him in my arms as his eyes tried to focus on me, I promised him it would soon be over, it wouldn't be about pleasure this time, but about true joy, and I gave him that, as I took him with me, away from the battlefield.

Avalon awaited us, we took our places in eternity, in the magical kingdom until Arthur could be needed by Britain again. We had both given our fights, we had both sacrificed parts of our souls.

Like the High priestess who had died by Merlin's hand, like Arthur's mother and Guinevere, his Queen, I had searched for my own path through a different way, maybe the darkest, yet I didn't regret it.

Some people would remember me as the firstborn who deserved to have the throne, some others would remember me as the bastard who betrayed father and brother. It didn't matter, Arthur and I knew of the truth, our feelings were true, and as we reached the edge of mortality and stepped into _Avalon_, the land of the immortals, we knew, our love was what truly mattered.

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SOoo what u think guys? I wanted all the four main women of Camelot to give their version of the truth that linked them to Arthur. What u think?

thanks for reading, please review


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